Noodles, Canned Goods and Sex

"I had birthday sex. With a guy who came from the seminary."

"Good for you."

"It was as good as instant noodles. Go figure."

"Depends on the brand/type of instant noodles."

"Quickchow."

"Soggy noodles, or just right?"

"Soggy. Melts in your mouth."

***

"I really need to get laid. Soon."

"Well there's tomorrow. Oh wait. I'm still exempt from your request."

"You are?"

"I remember you communicating I'd be more of a desperate choice."

"I did?"

"Yet I'm still here. Fancy that. Why? Have I been promoted in your list?"

"Huh? Not really. I'm just horny. Anyways, I'll text one of my exes."

"Regardless, pretty sure I've made thinly veiled hints of my willingness."

"Yes, yes."

"Perhaps I should text one of my exes. Soon as the flood goes down."

"Exes. They're like canned goods."

"They still expire over time."

"2 years."

"I suppose you've stocked up quite a menu over those two years."

"Oh yes."

"Lucky you. I think you outlining your escapades will drive me mad at some point."

"Come on. Give yourself more credit than that. I'm 26. I can't sleep around when I'm 43, can I? Or God forbid, 57.

***

This I have figured out - I don't really want a relationship. I just want intimacy.

(I will change my mind. People hope so.)