The Tao of Kating

She has the wisdom of a lazy-eyed astrologer. I better listen to Kat more.

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"I have to warn you though. There's a song number." - Katrina Go, on "KimmyDora"

***

Me: We should watch "KimmyDora"

Him: You. Can't. Be. Effing. Serious."

*I show the text message to Kat*

***

So I saw KimmyDora with Adriane, the sister next to me, with whom I share my birthday and a loathing for Bea Alonzo. When we were kids, I chewed off a leg of one of her toy plastic figures. A C-shaped scar on my left (or was it right?) buttcheek is the mark of her retaliation. This is the first time in ages that we see a movie without holding hands with some guy we'd have a fight with later in the evening.

The highlight of the movie, for me, was the slipper beating. Spartan's (they should have used Rambbo's, although these are rarities, I will marry the man who gifts me with a new pair.) fresh from the crumply plastic wrap. My sister wasn't laughing as profusely as I thought she would, so I had to say "tsinelas" in between guffaws. Instructions for cockroach disposal were mistaken for human torture methods, with a riotous outcome.

I changed my mind about nine minutes before the movie ends. Extended shots of Zanjoe Marudo's crotch did it for me.

I changed my mind when I heard these lines:

Dora: I'm so happy, I feel like singing.

Kimmy: Me, too, I feel like singing.

Uh-oh. And I hear Kat. The whole thing becomes a blur of dashboard doggies, petticoats, fake rain and umbrellas. In my adult life, I can only appreciate movies culminating in song and/or dance numbers if the following are involved:

a.) hot, naked male contortionists

b.) oily midgets

c.) 20 tons of sago

d.) Dan

e.) all of the above

I have decided. My favorite part of the movie is when Adriane takes out a P500-bill for our tickets.

***

"I don't like him." - Katrina Go, in response to a text message punctuated by too many periods.

***

She has the wisdom of a lazy-eyed astrologer. I better listen to Kat more.