I Will Never Have A Boyfriend Named Mark

This morning, whilst playfully blowing shampoo bubbles (with full knowledge that I will be late for work if I waste another 48 seconds), I have decided that I will NEVER have a boyfriend named Mark. Or Jonathan.

***

I shouldn't be ashamed of my fixation with lesbian porn. (And I am so straight, I think I'm a gay man.)

I shouldn't be ashamed of almost-one-week-still-unshaved underarms. (This makes it twice as hard for me to pick something to wear for work because 60% of my clothes don't have sleeves...or backs.)

I shouldn't be ashamed of my liking for Wowowee. (Next time someone flips the channel to Start Sports, I'll run amuck in the pantry.)

I shouldn't be ashamed

of

my

infinite

capacity

to

love.

***

I am convinced that Pokwang's head dress is connected to traffic density along Skyway at 5:49 p.m.

***

"You cannot bully me, or make me chug Baygon, but I offer myself just the same." - An Anybody.