Emotional Acetone

****

We pulled too many false alarms. - JM

***

I find myself missing someone. Very much.

How he'd laugh at me/with me. How he'd look at me as if I was not of this earth. How his kisses would put me on timespacewarp. How we planned to travel. How we planned to go to the Avilon Zoo (and how I thought he was, again, not really serious about it). How he'd massage my beflipflopped feet while we wait for our food to arrive (only a quarter of which I'd consume). I miss how he'd let me drizzle him with affection, knowing all too well that he's just so allergic to it. I miss him, painfully miss him.

I was with him four days out of the week. I never missed him more.

I wish he'd come back, but that's shooting for the stars.

***

You tried. I think you're quitting. I can't blame you.

Just tell me when to pack my bags.

***

Learning to love the rain again.

***

Painted my nails orange pop. Changed my mind. Painted my nails cayenne. Smiled. Ate cheap donuts. Got drunk on Chuckie. Made love to myself. Basked in boredom. Rolled in cat hair. Said "I love you" - to a cat. Danced in the rain. Laughed. Tried to cry, but ended up laughing. Cried for real. Then cried some more. Bought 2 bars of soap. Tried mineral makeup, got blah-ed with the colors. Said "Thank you". Meant it. Said "Sorry". Meant it. Slept. Slept some more. Slept til I was more tired than I was before sleeping. Cheered for both teams. Booed both teams. Looked at Betsy. Nothing from him.

Wrote.

Lived. (Or at least, tried to.)

***

BP: And you know me. I never order what's not on the menu.

Joie: I don't order what I have at home.