The Toblerone Tantrum

My right big toenail, lifeless after the marathon two Sundays ago, is now covered a shade of red called "Desire". I made Unilever a pinch richer today. I bought 300 pesos worth of cleaning products. Two cans of fibre-enriched unsweetened pineapple juice (to help with my sluggish bowel), and 4 new color-coded rags. I got liquid sosa (to help with our sluggish drain), which I later learned works best only for people who want to meet Jesus ASAP. It took 3 hours and two afternoon drama shows for a sink full of unsinkable water, toothpaste lather and facial hair to be pristine again.

Domestic duties left me tired and reeking of bleach. I (almost) didn't notice that I have not heard from him for most of the day. A little quibble over Llanol (yes, I'm seeing someone of significant seniority). Like he does with me, I leave him be. We have established that cheating has lost its luster. It's not for the X- Games - it's not exciting. I trust him. There's a non-negligible chance that I'm betting on the wrong numbers, but I still trust him anyways. He always has one foot on the ground, but I still trust him anyways. I'm not doing it for him. I'm not even doing it for US. I'm doing it for myself. Trusting him makes me not need Valium. For now.

***

I secretly hurt for you when you tell me tales of the emotionally crippled women you've spent your better years with. It's not funny. At all.

***

I tend to forget just how much my mom loves me. Tonight, I was reminded.

The van was revving outside. Halfway through "The Wedding." Mom is not budging. Dad isn't aware of it (of course, he's not aware of anything). And Mom won't be budging throughout the next show - Showbiz News Ngayon. Fifteen minutes after Boy Abunda said goodnight, Mom was nudging Dad from a rubbershoed nap. Hours of nagging and engine idling, off they go.

The house was quiet. When my parents are not within a radius of 50 feet from each other, there is tranquility. I hear the van again. I will not get up to open the gates. Mom came in without any fanfare and...

Mom: O. Yan.

*hands me a Toblerone bar*

Me: Wow, mahal mo ako!

Mom: Siyempre.

Everybody knows that the I'm a runner up to my Dad in terms of the pain delivered to her. But I know that I have brought her some of the most joyous moments of her life, too. My birth made her a mother. Ours was never a non-traumatic relationship. But her love, I have proven, is relentless. Stubborn. Enduring. Like a stain that no cleaning product ever made can completely remove, to leave a barren surface. I hope she loves me enough to never tell my future husband the tale of the Toblerone Tantrum.

***

(I shall say this only once. Only once.)

If I don't remember having asked, I don't want to know.